Criminals Draw on Their Faces with Marker to Disguise Themselves

Before breaking into an apartment, Joey Miller and Matthew McNelly decided to put on disguises. And by disguises we mean they covered their faces in permanent marker. The thing about permanent marker is that... well it's permanent. After the burglary, the pair was pulled over by police and immediately recognized because of their hair. Just kidding, it was their faces covered in permanent marker that set them apart from the crowd.

1

Robber Gives Cashier His Phone Number

18 year old Ruben Zarate wanted to rob a muffler shop in Chicago and demanded money. Unfortunately it was mostly in the safe. Zarate decided that he would try again later. To save himself some time, he left his cell phone number with the store employees. That way, they could call him when the manager returned.

2

Man Applies for Job Before Robbing Golden Pantry

Demetrius Robinson, 28, wanted to rob a Golden Pantry store late one night, but he needed to pass the time as naturally as possible until he and the clerk were alone, so he decided to fill out a job application. Not a bad idea, except he left his real name on the application, along with his uncle’s phone number. After he robbed the store, it didn’t take long for police to track him down. He didn’t get the job.

3

Florida Man Marks Occupation as Drug Dealer on Arrest Report

A West Palm Beach, FL man was arrested on a slew of charges, and was perhaps a bit too honest on his arrest report. He listed his occupation as "drug dealer" and was charged with being the most obvious criminal in the history of crime.

4

Man Attempts Carjacking in Prison Parking Lot

Things were looking up for Frank Singleton when he was released from jail. However, when he realized that he didn’t have a ride home, he walked straight into the prison parking lot and attempted to carjack a woman. He was foiled when he realized that he couldn’t drive a car with a stick shift. As he was re-arrested - this time, for felony carjacking - Singleton told police that he simply “didn’t feel like walking.” We've all been there.

5

Dallas Dummy Tries to Cash Check for Billions of Dollars

Charles Ray Fuller, a Texas dumb dumb, tried to cash a bogus check for $360 BILLION. To top it off, the check wasn’t even made out to him. He was arrested on forgery charges and sentenced to a million billion years in prison.

6

Two Nabbed in iPad Theft When Selfies Appear on Owner's iCloud

Two men arrested in Houston were accused of stealing an iPad and using it to take selfies that they unknowingly uploaded to the owner's iCloud account. The men appeared in the photos displaying money they were also accused of taking from the victim. At least they didn't have to listen to that new U2 album!

7

Crooked Cop Drives Ferrari to Work

The dumbest policeman in the world, who was making some extra cash with drugs and prostitution, was brought to justice after driving a $170,000 Ferrari to work. Osman Iqbal, an officer based in Birmingham England, was jailed for seven years for running a brothel.

8

Call from Security Company During Robbery

Amateur criminal and professional dumb dumb Christopher Kron made every mistake possible in robbery history when he tried to rob a restaurant after it closed one night. Not only did he trip the silent alarm, but when ADT called the restaurant after being notified, Kron answered the phone and gave them his REAL NAME. He returned to the restaurant the next day and was recognized by an employee who had seen the surveillance video. Kron was arrested on the spot.

9

Robber Falls from Ceiling Into Police Custody

A burglar looking to make a quick score at a Dollar Store made one tiny mistake. He climbed on the roof of the store and managed to weasel his way into the ceiling, where he promptly fell in front of a nearby Houston police officer. After picking up 10,000 Q-tips for under two dollars, the officer brought the burglar into custody.

10

Fake Cop Pulls Over Real Cop

A police impersonator in Dumfries, VA tried to pull over an off-duty officer, when the real cop informed the fake cop that he was a real cop (this is getting confusing) the fake cop ran away but was quickly apprehended and hauled off to a very real prison.

11

Man Applies for Welfare While Driving a Hummer

Let it be known that you can now be arrested for ballin' on a budget. William Anderson, 51, was arrested after attracting attention by applying for welfare while driving an H2 Hummer. Thinking it an odd sight, the local sheriff ran the plates, and the vehicle came up as stolen.

12

Crackhead Tries to Get Her Money Back After Buying Wack Crack

Eoise Reaves stretched the limits of “to serve and protect” when she approached a policeman and asked him to help her get her money back for the poor-quality crack cocaine she’d just purchased. She showed him the crack, which she had tucked away in her mouth, and he placed her under arrest. How does one know when crack has gone bad?

13

Novelist Writes About a Murder That He Committed

Polish author Krystian Bala, might’ve gotten away with murder… if he hadn’t written about it in his book. His 2003 novel Amok became a bestseller in Poland, but he paid the price when police noticed that the details of a murder in the book eerily matched those of an unsolved case. The similarities led the police to investigate further, discovering connections between Bala and the victim, including the fact that the victim was romantically involved with Bala’s ex-wife. Whether or not he was inspired by the OJ Simpson "novel" based on a similar subject is unknown. What is known that he received 25 years in prison.

14

Guys Transporting Pot Report Themselves to Idaho Police by Mistake

Eastern Idaho police say two men transporting marijuana from California to Montana called 911 while in Idaho after mistakenly believing undercover officers had discovered their secret. But police in Rexburg say they weren't aware of the drugs until the two men called on Friday to report their location and the 20 pounds of pot worth $16,000.

15

Man Demands Sex Refund from Teen's Father

A man in Stockholm, Sweden was a bit upset when the 13-year-old girl he'd been courting didn't show up for an arranged sex meeting. When the teen stood him up, the man found her home phone number and called her father to demand a refund. Obviously things didn't end well.

16

Kentucky Woman Arrested for Shoplifting at a "Shop with a Cop" Event

A Kentucky woman was arrested after authorities caught her trying to shoplift merchandise while her son took part in a "Shop with a Cop" event. She was charged with theft of less than $500 and not understanding irony.

17

Man Faked Being His Own Twin Brother to Try to Delay Court Hearings

Not content to fake his own death or leave the country in an airplane made from spare parts, authorities say a northern New Jersey man posed as his fictitious, blind twin brother in a bid to delay court hearings on several motor vehicle summonses.

18

Terrible Burglar Gets Pants Caught During Robbery

John Pearce came to realize the hazards of daylight burglary when in the course of climbing through a window, his foot became caught, leaving him dangling upside-down in plain sight of pedestrians walking down the busy sidewalk. Onlookers proceeded to mock him mercilessly until police arrived.

19

Dopey Criminal Uses World's Worst Disguise to Hold up His Local Bookies

This master of disguise glued tissue to his face in an attempt to hold up his local bookies, where he had been a regular. Douglas Stewart also stuffed tissues inside his mouth to hide his accent and scrawled his robbery demands on the back of a letter from bosses banning him from the underground club.

20

Google Street View Catches Lawn Mower Thieves in the Act

Police in Denmark said a Google Street View image offered new evidence in an unsolved crime by catching two men in the act of stealing a lawn mower.South Jutland police posted an image to Twitter showing two men taking the small tractor from a business in Rinkenaes.

21

Pair Spent Two Days "Locked" in (Unlocked) Closet

A Florida man and woman spent two days trapped in what they said they believed to be a locked closet - until police let them out and discovered that the door was actually never locked. John Arwood and Amber Campbell claimed they were chased into a janitor's closet at Daytona State College in Daytona Beach, FL, by unidentified assailants. They were charged with trespassing and Campbell was also charged with violating her probation.

22

Man Cyberbullies Himself, Facebook Post Lands Him in Jail

A 22-year-old man in Mineral Wells, TX landed himself behind bars after allegedly posting on his Facebook page that he had more than a dozen warrants out for his arrest. The warrants ranged from traffic citations to petty theft and totaled more than $1,200 in fines.

23

Man Arrested for Making Meth in a Park Restroom

Police were notified of chemical smoke emanating from a park men’s room, and stopped by to witness meth being cooked out of a single pot. Justin Hill, the Walter White Wannabe, was arrested and later released on $56,000 bail.

24

Woman Arrested After Asking Police to Test Her Drugs for Ebola

Poor Chastity Eugina Hopson was so worried about her possibly-tainted meth that she actually contacted the police about it. Officers at the Granite Shoals Police Department in Texas were trying to catch the county's dumbest drug users when they posted a fake Facebook story about Ebola-tainted meth. The post said, "If you have recently purchased meth or heroin in Central Texas, please take it to the local police or sheriff department so it can be screened with a special device. DO NOT use it until it has been properly checked for possible Ebola contamination!""Hopson, 29, saw the post and was understandably afraid that her meth could be... wait for it... dangerous. She responded to the department's post on Facebook, and they gladly took her sample in for "testing." Hobson was charged with possession of less than one gram of a controlled substance.

25

Driver Leaves Prosthetic Arm Behind While Fleeing DUI

This time, the one armed man really did do it. Corpus Christi police responded to a one-vehicle crash and found that the driver had fled the scene on foot - but not without leaving behind his prosthetic arm.

26

After Groom Forgets Bride's Name in Sham Wedding, He Gets Arrested

Minutes before they were to exchange vows, a man and woman in Britain were arrested after the groom forgot the bride's name.Authorities said it was one of the most "blatant and farcical" attempts they'd seen to circumvent immigration laws.

27

Drunk Woman Drives with One Eye Closed

A 56-year-old woman’s boldly idiotic defense in her trial for drunk driving was that the alcohol did not affect her because she kept one eye closed to avoid seeing double. She was sentenced to two months in prison. If she keeps her eye closed it could cut down to one.

28

Amish Youth Leads Police on Low Speed Chase

Levi Detweiler, a 17-year-old Amish youth, ran a stop sign while riding his horse and buggy, which began a mile-long, low speed chase with local police. Levi was charged with "over driving an animal" and making this list way too easy to write.

29

Bra Bandit Wears Stolen Bras on His Face and Chest

Police in California are searching for the "bra bandit" - a man filmed stealing clothes from a pickup truck while wearing a skirt and two bras. Maybe he just likes they way they feel?

30

Dimwit Calls Police After Pig Eats His Weed

An Ohio man reportedly called 911 numerous times, threatening to harm himself, after he had downed an entire bottle of Everclear because his pet pig, Millie, had eaten all of his marijuana. He was charged with disorderly conduct and later said that he would keep his weed out of reach of his pot bellied pig.

31

"Porn Inspector" Was Totally Lying to Get Free Porn

Andrew Libby, a cheapskate porn addict with majestic hair, was arrested for impersonating a cop and demanding copies of pornographic movies from an adult video store. Claiming to be an “age verification detective,” Libby told the store’s employees that his job was to make sure the movies’ stars were at least 18 years old. The workers didn’t buy his story and reported him.

32

Stowaway Discovered on Plane Bound for London After Taking Selfies in the Cockpit

A stowaway who was trying to get to London after sneaking onto an empty plane was discovered after taking selfies in the cockpit. Airport staff noticed flashes coming from the grounded Wizz Air plane as Claudiu-Gabriel Costin decided to document his break-in with the worst selfies known to man.

33

Woman Steals Flat Screen by Putting it Between Her Legs

Captured on video, a woman shocked workers by stealing a flat screen TV by stuffing it up her dress, between her legs. The woman simply walked into the store, picked up the packaged TV, placed it between her legs and walked out along with an accomplice. "She did it so quickly no one had time to notice or react," said a shop assistant.

34

Man Steals Pork Loin from Sam's Club by Shoving it Down His Pants

Police say a man stole a pork loin from Sam's Club by stuffing it in his pants and running out of the store without paying. After the theft, he approached a store greeter who though he was just happy to see him.

35

New Jersey Man Poured Water on Road to Make it Look Like Black Ice

Doing more work drunk than we ever have sober, a man in Sparta, NJ tried to cover up a drunk driving crash by pouring water on the road to make it look like black ice caused it.

36

After Burglary, Man Sees Neighbor Running off with His TV

When a man in West Boynton, FL (of course it was Florida!) arrived home and realized it was burglarized, he looked outside and allegedly saw his neighbor running across the street with his belongings. No reports on whether or not the neighbor entered the house via hide-a-key.

37

No Charges for Woman Who Threw Bacon into Police Station

A judge has dismissed charges against a Massachusetts woman who threw uncooked bacon and sausage inside a police station while saying she was there to "feed the piggies." Lindsey McNamara was charged with disorderly conduct and malicious destruction of property after the incident, which was caught on video surveillance.

38

Getaway Donkey Foils Robbery

Three Colombian burglars in Juan de Acosta loaded stolen rum, rice, tuna, and sardines onto Xavi, a 10-year-old donkey. Everything was going according to plan until the donkey began braying, alerting the local police. Donkey, you had one job...

39

Couple Arrested for Having Sex on Top of Car

A Florida couple was arrested after they were spotted having sex on top of a 2004 Kia Sedona (those are hard enough to sell as it is) at a West Palm Beach auto dealership. Upon exiting the minivan, Byrd and Mitchell were arrested. As the 300-pound Mitchell was being handcuffed, he spit in the face of a female officer, police reported.

40

Teenage Drug Dealer Cold Calls Detective

Shaquille McKinney, a young entrepreneur slangin' weed, was cold calling potential clients one day when he contacted Detective Matt Parks who promptly set up a meeting with the dealer in a local park and arrested him.

41

Man Tells Cops That Everyone Drives Drunk

A New Jersey man, Daniel Pratts, was pulled over around midnight on New Year's Eve after he was seen going through a stop sign and also almost plowed into a police K-9 unit's vehicle. In his own defense, he allegedly told a cop, "It's New Year's Eve, everyone drives drunk."Pratts was cited for DUI, refusal to take a breath test and reckless driving.

42

Man Decides to Set off a Fire Alarm After Clogging His Toilet with Potatoes

This man learned two important lessons. 

1. Potatoes cannot be flushed down toilets.

2. Setting off a fire alarm rarely solves non-fire related problems.

After loading up his toilet with potatoes for some unknown reason (maybe there's a prison style mashed potato recipe we don't know about), he pulled the file alarm, causing the building to evacuate and the police to arrest him immediately.

43

Woman Crashes into Pizza Hut

New Rochelle police arrested a woman after she crashed her Volkswagen Jetta into a local Pizza Hut. It's alleged she was upset with service at the fast food joint. We're surprised this doesn't happen more often at Pizza Hut.

44

The Pee Bandits Strike Again

Krystal Evans, 26, and Denise McClure, 24, were arrested for destruction of evidence when they tried to steal a urine sample that was on its way to a forensic lab. The pair knew that Evans’s sample would test positive, sending her back to jail, so they attempted to grab the urine before it reached its destination. The driver caught them and called the cops. Ironically, Evans’s sample tested negative, but the sample she had to give after being arrested for the pee caper came up positive for meth.

45

Stolen Virginia Beach Credit Card Used on Three Dating Websites

According to a Virginia Beach incident report, a stolen credit card was used on three online dating sites. The credit card owner reported the fraudulent charges, totaling $228, to police after they noticed the three saddest purchases known to man. Virginia Beach police were unable to provide more information on the incident, but they are reportedly searching for a criminal with a broken heart.

46

Man Stole Three-Month-Old Kitten, Later Returned it with Apology Note

A Valentine's Day gift went wrong when a man stole a three-month-old kitten from a Minneapolis PetSmart, only to return it to another PetSmart a day later with a note apologizing, saying he didn't have money, and wanted to give the kitten as a Valentine's Day gift.

47

Seattle Burglar Trying to Escape Gets Stuck in Air Duct

A burglary suspect who cut through the drywall of Seattle apartment building to try to escape got stuck in an air duct and had to be rescued by firefighters.KIRO reported that a resident of the complex caught the man stealing quarters from a soda machine in the laundry room on a previous evening.

48

Jersey City Man Calls in 14 False Fire Reports, Faces Unprecedented Penalty

Vincent Garrison, 33, called in false reports of a fire 14 times over an eight-month period. Garrison was arrested, plead guilty to three counts of false public alarm in Hudson County Superior Court and agreed to pay $13,500 restitution.

49

Tennessee Couple Accused of Stealing 57 Blocks of Cheese From Walmart

The reason is unclear, but for one Chattanooga couple, a block - even a dozen blocks of cheese was not enough - so they decided to steal 57 blocks of cheese from Walmart. Maybe they were throwing a fancy party?

50

Man Jailed for Breaking Into Police Station and Cooking Dinner

An Edinburgh man was jailed for three months after breaking into a police station and helping himself to a mixture of pasta, Weetabix and milk which he heated in a saucepan. Delicious. Officers investigating an alarm at the empty building found someone had broken a window to gain entry and later discovered 38-year-old cereal offender Lynton Frazer making the unusual breakfast in the kitchen. He told them he was just hungry.

51

Florida Man Uses Wanted Poster as FB Profile Pic

Police had an easy time tracking down Floridian Mack Yearwood, wanted in connection with an assault that took place over Labor Day weekend 2016, after he used his own wanted poster as his Facebook profile picture. One of Yearwood's friends commented "Nice mug shot," to which Yearwood responded "Thanks buddy!" Another friend expressed more concern: "Holy sh*t ding dong, are you planning on getting this sh*t squared away? I'd like to see you again at least before they find you."

Cops in Stuart, FL, north of Miami, used Yearwood's FB to track him to his brother's house, where he was arrested. According to the arresting officers, a bag of weed tumbled out of Yearwood's pocket as he was cuffed, and he politely asked the cops not to charge him for possession.

Writing on the Stuart Police Department Facebook page, Cpl. Brian Bossio noted "Facebook is a great way to communicate and connect with old friends and family... If you are wanted by the police, it's probably not a good idea to use the 'Wanted of the Week' poster of yourself as your profile pic."

52