Real Talk About Fake Boobs

The United States is number one! That’s right, we’ve got the most fake boobies in the world. Brazil and their epic butt lifts come in second.

Ok, not exactly, but if you put a flashlight underneath, they’ll glow. Saline implants will actually glow significantly brighter than the silicon boobies, too.

There are three brands of implants that are named after gummy bears due to their unique texture. They can be cut in half without losing any consistency. These are thought to have far fewer health risks.

Though most traditional breast augmentations are done through an incision under the breast, there is actually a method by which they’re inserted through the belly button.

You just spent a lot of money on your new toys, so why not make sure you can keep track of them? There are new implants available called Q-inside that come with a tracking chip in them, you know, in case you misplace your tits…

At one time, breast implants were filled with soy oil… This unusual method was created in hopes they would obscure X-rays less while still being as safe as saline if they ruptured. They bombed in clinical trials (SHOCKER) and were stopped.

If you work as a stripper, cocktail waitress or making “adult films,” your new bundles of joy could possibly be a tax write-off. US tax court allowed “Chesty Love” to claim her implants as a business expense.

From 1992-2006, silicone implants were only allowed to be implanted in women with cancer or women needing to fix a broken implant.

Though the number of women choosing to artificially enlarge their boobs continues to grow, so too, does the number of women having them removed. In 2013 alone, over 23,000 implant removal surgeries were done.

All surgeries come with a chance for complications, but the rate for breast augmentation is a staggering 50% and climbs to 75% for women having reconstructive surgery.

Teen girls are joining the craze. Sound bat shit crazy to you, too? Well, in 2010, over 8,000 girls between the ages of 13 (no, that’s not a typo) and 19 got implants…

Doctors have been toiling away in their creepy, musty little labs to create the “ideal implant.” Supposedly the new saline mixture is supposed to mimic natural body tissue and “flow with every movement.”

Not all breast augmentation involves implants. Scientists are studying the potential to use stem cells in order to help women regrow their breasts more naturally.

German “model” Beshine owns the record for largest implants, weighing over 20 lbs. EACH.