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#1 the friend-zone... my advice to all you young guys, don't ever allow yourself to stay in that awful limbo. If she likes you but won't f@#k you, get out asap. They decide whether or not they want sex with you when they first meet you and will almost never change their mind.
Undetectable - Another several thousand years, I expect. You can be as miserable as you (apparently) want, but you won't live long enough to see it change.