“You’ve gotta stop using your head as just a container for your teeth”
“You look like the kind of person who could fail a DNA test”
“If you ate trash, it would be cannibalism.”
Was at a baseball game. Dude in the crowd yells to the batter:
“I’ve seen better swings on a porch!”
"You have room temperature IQ"
I can’t remember where it is from, but I say it all of the time.
"I’ve been called worse things by better people"
“His daddy must’ve jacked off into a flower pot cuz he’s a blooming idiot”
-Guy at loading dock, Today, 2020
"If you were any dumber you would have to be watered twice a week."
"If I wanted to listen to an asshole, I would’ve farted."
My coworker was being his usual narcissistic “I’m so cool and tough” self, and telling some story about him getting a blowjob from a super hot and totally real babe, and I said “How hard did she have to pull to get you to stop sucking your own dick?”
"Everybody needs love, you just have to pay for it"
Someone here on reddit a few days ago called a poorly raised child a “sperm pet”
I am still trying to use this one somewhere else
“I bet your family tree looks like a family ladder” I had to process that one
Heard a kid call his mom a “bitch” and she replied “shut the fuck up ya son of a bitch”.
That boy couldn’t pour piss out of a boot with the directions written on the heel.
“You’re such a disappointment, you could fall in a bucket of titties and still come up with a dick in your mouth”