"Doing the helicopter with our dick really ain’t that fun. "
– thocerwan
"Yes, I definitely used those decorative towels that shall not be used. "
– Inottawa
"When you make us sleep on the couch… we really don’t mind, couches are pretty comfy. "
– Cranzeeman
"If you are our friend and are even a 4 out of 10, we have thought about fucking you. That’s not the reason we are friends, and we would not necessarily act on it given the chance – but have definitely thought about it."
– Sharper133
"Make-up is ok, we basically don’t care. Just try not to look like the Joker."
– disattento
"What kind of porn they actually watch."
– BuffaloBart2
"It annoys me that you say you don’t want fries but then take mine. I mean what the fuck?"
– Wide_Brilliant
"We aren’t always horny and don’t control most of our boners. Most of them are just my dick being mean and putting me in an awkward situation. "
– kng_hrts
"How much a fishing rod or car parts really cost. "
– kinetik_au
"Nice try, I am not falling for this one again. "
– Uneasylemons
"Sometimes, a nice blow job unexpectedly will get you things. "
– 5ilentKn1ght
"We’ve all misplaced our 10mm socket. "
– tetsujino
"Sometimes we just really don’t want to talk to you. We still love you. But please stop talking. When I am arguing that I am interested so it doesn’t start a fight, I am not interested."
– Print1917
"It’s not the jeans. It’s your fat ass that makes your ass look fat. "
– Glathull
"We don’t actually scratch our balls. It’s more of a pinch and roll."
– du_nok
"We check out your ass every time you walk away. I’m not saying all women’s asses, maybe if single but in a relationship, we check out our SO ass every time they leave the room. I’ve seen my wife’s ass a thousand times and I can promise you I’ll check it out a thousand times more."
– Qanaesin
"That thing you told us to be careful with… we broke it but fixed it before you got home. "
– SoulWager
"We very well might have jacked off to a photo of you."
– generallyunconscious