History Facts Can Get Pretty NSFW… (21 GIFS)

“When Jadwiga, the King of Poland (Jadwiga was female. Medieval Poland referred to every ruler as King regardless of gender) was considering a marriage proposal from the Grand Duke of Lithuania, a chief concern among her court was that said Duke was rumored to have massive genitals to the point that they would kill his wife on their wedding night. Two of her councilors volunteered to travel to Lithuania to try and discover the truth of these rumors, which naturally meant they would watch the Duke as he bathed. They returned and happily reported that the Duke’s genitals were not fatally large. In fact, they were a tad smaller than average, so nothing to worry about. Thus Poland and Lithuania were united, and the rest is history.”

RepealMCAandDTA

“The author of Frankenstein (Mary Shelley) lost her virginity on top of her mums grave…”

Sobjectivity

"It was a graveyard smash "

Benuuuuu

“Victor Hugo (the guy who wrote, among other things, Les Misérables and The Hunchback of Notre-Dame) was a sex addict. He claimed he and his wife had sex nine times on their wedding night. When she got bored with this he proceeded to go and bang everyone and everything that caught his eye. When he died the brothels in Paris were closed down for the day so all the prostitutes could go and pay their respects to him. Fittingly, Paris apparently experienced a mini baby boom nine months after his funeral, which 2 million people attended.”

JustASexyKurt

“In medieval times, they would sling dead animals via catapult to spread disease, which was devastating in those times due to a lack of proper medicine. It seems biological warfare was the world’s actual first weapon of mass destruction.”

DecagonHexagon

“In Ancient Egypt, they held a fertility festival each year and at this festival, it was the Pharaoh’s responsibility to strip down and jerk off into the Nile.”

miskatonic-dropout

“When Catherine Howard, the fifth wife of Henry VIII was taken from Syon Abbey to the Tower of London to prepare for her execution, she sailed in a barge down the River Thames. She passed under London Bridge, where the severed heads of her alleged lovers Thomas Culpeper and Francis Dereham were waiting for her, displayed on spikes, rotting and picked at by birds."

AMarmaladeSandwich

“In 1511 a bunch of people in Brussels took part in the building of 110 vulgar snowmen as an act of protest It’s known as the Miracle of 1511 if you want to know more!”

mli03

“The deadliest female serial killer in US history had murdered 35 people with an axe by the time she was 18 years old. Clementine Barnabet, a member of a cult called the Church of Sacrifice. She was out of prison before she was 30 and never seen again.”

Skulldetta

“All the documentaries you see about hieroglyphs in ancient Egypt neatly avoid showing you the ‘fertility rites’ where the Pharaoh’s phallus is inseminating the land.”

AbulurdBoniface

“Wank like an Egyptian.”

bearatrooper

“How about the time that NASA funded a study about dolphin communication that ended with one researcher giving a dolphin that was high on LSD a…”

mazimaxi

Anne Frank’s diary was censored. “Hidden pages from the diary of Holocaust refugee Anne Frank have been analysed for the first time, revealing a few words of wisdom on sex, menstruation, and a handful of dirty jokes.”

MIKE MCRAE

One of Anne Frank’s jokes: “Do you know why the German Wehrmacht girls are in the Netherlands? As mattresses for the soldiers.”

“In ancient Egypt, soldiers proved their battle prowess by presenting the severed penises of their slaughtered enemies. Traditionally, severed hands were presented. Ramesses III suspected that some soldiers were claiming extra credit by presenting the hands of women as well as the hands of the male soldiers. So he demanded penises instead. His victory inscriptions mention 12,535 foreskins and hands, and has images of the piles of the body parts at the Medinet Habu mortuary temple.”

WillShakeSpear1

“King Tut’s first wife was his half-sister. But she also may have been his full sister and even at one point may have been his stepmother.”

richard-777

“Incest was actually encouraged in Ancient Egypt as in many aristocracies to keep the bloodline pure. Moreover, if there were twins where one was a boy and one was a girl, they were married at birth.”

Rishinc

“Benjamin Franklin had a fart fetish. There are letters that prove this where he writes to a woman about her flatulence.”

HerHaeireeAintUs

“You know that one psychologist guy, Freud? Well, one time he was tasked with finding the testicles of an eel, so he got literally hundreds of eels so he could find their balls. Nowadays we know eels have retractable testicles, but Freud didn’t know that, so he cut up hundreds of eels looking for their testicles.”

God_is_carnage

“Ways Popes have died: Pope John VII was bludgeoned to death by the husband of his mistress when he caught them in flagrante delicto. John XIII met his end (so to speak) when a cuckolded husband rammed a poker up his bottom. Pope Leo VII suffered a fatal heart attack during sex with a page boy.”

Urist_Macnme

“Capt Cook “discovered” Hawaii. They docked offshore right at harvest time. The natives thought they were Fertility Gods and sent their women in canoes to the ship. The crew had a blast year after year. Until the natives figured out what was happening.”

QBin2017

“Leck mich im Arsch (‘Kiss my arse!’, or literally ‘Lick me in the arse’) is a canon in B-flat major composed by Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, K. 231 (K. 382c), with lyrics in German.”

Wikipedia

“The CIA once considered sending the Soviets large size condoms that were labeled “small” to convince them that the US was well endowed.”

bkai76

“In 1992, two astronauts did not disclose they were married to NASA until it was too late to replace one of them and thus became the first married couple in space. While the two astronauts in question are not the kiss and tell types, most people assume this means space sex has happened. NASA’s official stance is that it hasn’t, but I’m not sure people really believe them.”

Andromeda321