1

“PIV. Penis in vacuum. I was going through puberty.”

-imherefromthefuture

2

“Tied my own legs to the bed posts behind my head but I tied them too tight so I had to cut myself out with a mechanical pencil on my nightstand. It took about 20 minutes.”

-PleaseTreadOnMeDaddy

3

“I wrote a raunchy message to a girl on my phone but didn’t send it.

I aimed my erection at the phone and made a deal with my dick that if it could get hard enough to reach the Send button, the message would get on its way.”

-NeatRevolution9636

4

“One time I heated up a 5 layer bean burrito from Taco Bell for about 150 seconds before trying to use it as a fleshlight. I went balls deep and caused 1st degree burn on my crotch.”

-CDXX_LXIL

5

“Got so horny that I masturbated with a carrot and went to see my then-bf with the carrot still inside me (20mins bus ride), just to be greeted by his mom at the door. noped the fuck outta there even before entering his place.”

-radicalradium

6

“Once when I was a young teen I wanted to know what my cum tasted like but licking it off my hand seemed gross so I jerked off into a Tostitos® Scoop and then ate it. It would take me years to realize that cum is both salty but not that salty.”

-doitforthefap91

7

“Every year I help my dad with Christmas lights. I climb up on the roof and carefully clip all of the lights onto the peaks. Well I have a particular fondness for the cowgirl position with my bf, but it destroys my knees. So here I am, sitting on the warm roof, hanging lights on my house, when my dad walks inside to get something. I’m straddling a roof peak, all alone, the neighborhood is quiet and I can see there’s no one outside. I’m at an angle where I can’t be seen from the ground anyway. My knees are at the perfect angle to not hurt in this position and suddenly thoughts of the bf enter my head. I just…Start rocking back and forth on the peak of my roof.

When my dad came back out I was in a much better mood.”

-TryingToBeDiagonal

8

“Made a fake vagina with a rubber glove, empty pasta sauce jar, a bath sponge and a rubber band. Then fucked it for weeks as a lonely teenager”

-OCDGrammarNazi

9

“Started fingering my ass in like high school, but that wasn’t enough. Went to Sharpie markers, but not enough. Had the idea to use a banana, but the bottom end had that hard, kinda sharp end on it. So what did I do? I used sandpaper to file it down to be smooth and an easy glide in. Needless to say, bananas don’t last too long going up the ass”

-illidan50

10

“Using a home TNS machine to zap myself to finishing”

-IBiteMyThumbAtYou

11

“When I was 13 or so I was playing in the creek at the end of our road. Poking a big stick in the mud I noticed it was a consistency that made a loud sucking noise when I pulled the stick back out.

It was enough to get the wheels turning, and after I formed two nice mud patty “boobs” I went to work.

I’m not proud, but I seem to recall impregnating the earth being fairly satisfying.”

-michaelnpdx

12

“We lived in the sticks, and internet shopping wasn’t really a thing back then. I was a horny but resourceful teenage girl, so I whittled myself a penis-like dildo out of a piece of firewood, sanded it, and varnished it.

I tested it out once without a condom and freaked out about the potential toxicity of the varnish. Then used a disposable latex glove because there were no condoms in the house (and the thought of buying them was mortifying). In the end I was too paranoid about it being found, so I tossed it into the fire the next time the fireplace was lit.”

-EffableLemming

13

“Poured shampoo down my urethra, thinking it would generate some sort of pleasure.

Narrator: it did not”

-Stuf404

14

“Shoved a 2by2 inch bath bomb up my ass with plastic rap still on.”

-DerpyDogBoi

15

“Not me, but a dude from high school.

This guy, Ted, decided that it was a good idea to fuck a Head and Shoulders shampoo bottle while he was in the shower. His dick ended up getting stuck in the bottle and he had to go to the ER to get it removed. Afterward, he was forever known as Ted and Shoulders.”

-deathbyvaporwave

16

“I kind of have this fetish where the idea of being experimented on. or being the product of a Frankenstein’s monster kind of experiment, is a big turn on. I also have a fetish for being forced to drink liquids.

So one day I decided to try combining the two. I set up some spooky green lights in my living room, then take some plastic tubing and make myself a siphon, with one end down my throat a little ways, and the other in a big-ass cup of Gatorade sitting on a table above me (may as well hydrate, am I right?). I laid down on my back, with a towel under me, and just kind of let the siphon go.

It didn’t last long.

The weight changed so rapidly the tubing pulled the glass over, spilling the like half gallon of Gatorade all over me and my carpet. I had put towels down, but it was just so much it still soaked through.

So here I am, sitting in the middle of my living room, naked, covered in Gatorade like an asshole. It wasn’t a highlight of my solo sexual exploits, but it’s a good story I don’t ever get to tell lol.”

-ebek_frostblade