Not Everyone Is Great In Bed… (18 GIFS)

"Chewed spicy gum before a blowjob."

"Everything was good until he talked about his exes for 30 minutes after we were done. EVERY TIME."

"Reply to a text message in the middle of things . . ."

"She moaned her own name"

"One of my lady friends once told us that she was dating a Doctor. Their sex sessions went something like – Him asking every 20 seconds whether she was ok continuing the foreplay. Once the intercourse would start, every 3-4 thrust, he would ask whether she was fine and not in pain or discomfort. He was a very caring person but it did not translate well during sex."

"My ex was loud. Like REALLY loud, but she didn’t match it in activity in bed. She just lay there, completely still, screaming her head off like some victim of a motorcycle accident."

"So like… he was standing at the end of the bed, my legs were up and he didn’t do anything except for lift my hips up and down. Like no thrusting either, just up and down. It was so… odd."

"Insisting on doing a side to side motion, like his dick was a penguin stuck in a bank teller tube."

"He always farted while coming. Ugh I couldn’t concentrate just thinking and waiting for the fuckin fart."

"Would literally go down on me for maybe 60 seconds and after expected a gawk gawk 9000 style bj to completion afterwards. Every time."

"He didn’t wash his butt!"

"He told me sex was about him having an orgasm and if I had one he wouldn’t enjoy it. Divorce is a wonderful thing folks."

"This man’s balls smelled like corn tortillas. when i realized it, all the memories of my abuela taking me to the tortilla factory came flooding back.

i hate corn tortillas."

"Wiped his dick on the curtains after sex"

"He asked me to stop moving. I was confused but I honoured the request. Didn’t move. He repeated himself. So I asked you want my vagina to stop moving? He said yes. I don’t think I have ever laughed so hard in my life."

"Heavy breathing constantly bc he’s a smoker, and his big googly eyes just staring at me"

"She would just lay there, not move, and I had to thrust at a specific angle or else she would keep telling me I wasn’t doing it right. She didn’t like condoms, but also hated to have cum touch her anywhere, so I’d have to pull out and finish on a towel. Once she got pissed because when she sat up, some of the cum on the towel touched her leg. We’re divorced now for a multitude of reasons.

Yeah I know I messed up by marrying her, painful lessons were learned."