“My now wife gives me shit about this all the time. Back when we were dating, it was a cold winters night and she texted that she was cold and if there was anything I could do to warm her up. I offered to plastic seal her windows. Yeah, I totally missed that pitch.“
“I was invited to her apartment to study on a Saturday night. After a little, she closed her door, we were on her bed.
And we studied a little more until I left“
"“In college, I was high as hell in my dorm when the hot girl down the hall that I had a crush on came to my room and asked if I would watch her dance routine that was her final for her dance class. I was like “sure” and went to her room.
The room was dark except for some red lighting. I sat on the couch and she put on Enigma. This was a VERY clear sign that I missed completely.
She was in a unitard and did what I would now consider a personal lap dance for me. I was petrified with lust over the whole thing.
When the song was over she came over to me, about 2 inches from my face sexy smiling and said, “How was that?”
I looked at her and said, “that was really cool, you’ll do great.” and left. I. LEFT. I walked back to my room and left….”"
“Looked up at me while clinging to my arm and stating, ‘I could definitely see myself dating someone like you.’ My brain was like, ‘Neat! Maybe one day I’ll find a girl who wants to go out with me after all!…'”
"“Back in ’84, I was working at this cool department store and there was this shy girl I’d chat it up with. I talk to everyone, and I was also a movie nut, so I’d say “Hey, have you seen this or that?” and she’d give me an exasperated look and say “No. No, I haven’t I need someone to go with.” I’d be like “Ah, well, it’s a good one.”
We’ve been married for 33 years.”"
"“We had been hanging out for a bit and she was talking about how nice her tits were, she then follows it with “maybe I should just show them to you.”
“Oh no you don’t need to do that!”
Luckily she really liked me and kept the press on for a few more weeks haha. We got married a few years later.”"
“I was in a Starbucks in Argentina, and the girl accidentally wrote “Diego” on my cup, which isn’t my name. Later that night I was chatting with a cute girl in the bar and I retold that story. She looked at me with sultry eyes, her top slightly undone, and said “what would Diego do with me tonight that <your name> wouldn’t” It caught me completely off guard, and I said something stupid in return. It was like being in the final minutes of the Super Bowl, being tossed the game-winning ball, only to fumble it in the end zone on live TV.”
"As I played the organ, she would turn pages for me and brush her body against my back while moving from right to left behind the organ bench to grab the next page.
I thought she was rubbing me due to tight quarters between my organ and the choir loft railing."
“Girl brought me upstairs, took off her clothes, and her friend was already in bed in her underwear too. I was on a ton of fake acid and asked where the weed was at and then walked out”
“This was when I just started high-school and she was one of the first truly beautiful girls I had in my life and didn’t really know the standard.
She added me on Snapchat. The conversation slowly became more flirty, but I just assumed attractive girls are flirty. So then she started sending more revealing pictures. Over these photos I just kept our casual conversation going as if nothing was happening. This escalated until she sent me a topless photo with one hand barely covering her nipples as she sucked on a popsicle. I decided that attractive girls probably just send attractive photos and I kept the casual conversation going because I didn’t want to presume. She gave up after that.”
“I was just divorced and getting used to dating again. After like my second or third date after the divorce she texted me “I just played with myself the whole drive home thinking of you.”My response?
“Sounds like fun! Good night!”
We did not go on another date.”
“A girl I knew asked if I wanted to play one-on-one basketball with her that afternoon. I had nothing else to do, so I said yes. We walked to her place to pick up a ball and for her to get changed. In her room, she handed me the basketball and started undressing.
I excused myself outside the door while she changed. She held conversation with me while she got dressed in my line of sight. Then she asked, “So do you want to go, or… ?” And oblivious me said, “Yeah, sure, let’s shoot some hoops.” In hindsight, there was a lot of one-sided flirting on the court and afterward she again invited me to her place to cool down. But I declined, as I was sweaty and I went home to shower.“
“When I was about 16 a girl was flirting with me like crazy and even gave me a condom. I remember thinking it was such an odd gift!”
“Her: What are you doing this weekend?
Me: I don’t know…maybe get brunch and go to the farmers market. You?
Her: What I always do on Saturdays, play assassin’s creed in my underwear…alone (eyebrow raise)
Me: That sounda like fun! This heat wave is nuts, huh? Have you played Bioshock Infinite yet? It’s pretty good!
Then I walked away, oblivious. My wife has since pointed out that the girl was in fact flirting with me”
Mate, if she says she'll be "in her underwear… alone," the rest of the sentence is insignificant.