“If you’ve never tried butt stuff because you thought it would hurt, boy, do I have GREAT news for you!”
"You go to the customer service counter at Target and you ask them to announce it over the loud speaker for you."
"Tell her you hope she likes fun sized Snickers."
"Eat her ass real good and you’re gold."
"Don’t. Tell her how huge your clit is."
"I’m about to give you the best 14 inches of your life. First we’ll go to Subway, and then you’ll get the extra 2."
"You wait for her to tell you. Maybe she won’t notice."
“It ain’t long but it’s skinny.”
"Interpretive dance."
"Long dexterous fingers forgive a lot of shortcomings."
“I know I have a needle dick but I fuck like a sewing machine.”
"Don’t, just learn to eat her pussy like a champ and she won’t care how big your dick is."
"Let her find out the hard way."
"Do you like big dicks?
Yes!? Well that’s a shame."
"I’ve got this notion that the motion of your ocean needs small craft advisory."
"Hallmark doesn’t sell that card, get a blank one and fill in your own message."
"I’d recommend getting a t-shirt printed, and wearing it on the first date."
"Announce it in the same way that you would want her to tell you she has a giant vagina."
"Good, healthy sex is all about open communication and consent."