Men Reveal The Worst Places They Put Their Penis (15 PICS + 5 GIFS)

Posted in NSFW 30 May 2024 927

"One of those kid toys with the swirling shiny liquid inside that’s a tube. It burst cuz I fucked it too hard. I had microscopic shiny glitter on my pecker for about a month."

"My ex wife used a grapefruit on me. It was…ok. But I acted like it was great, to be nice. After the divorce she told me she tried it on her new boyfriend, he didn’t think it was anything special. My lie caused him to have to go through that. lol. So, that’s two for grapefruit."

"My married, unattractive coworker when I was 24 and horrendously, impossibly drunk. She was 40. She stalked me afterwards until she eventually moved to Kenya for a 19 year old."

"The cut off base of a Japanese knotweed plant. I was a young naive boy and had the foggiest idea of how sex worked. I got curious and found a decent size knotweed plant and sliced it off at the base. I poked a stick through the membranes and it literally gushed. I had not clue what I was supposed to do so I stuck it in and peed into the plant. Future me, God, the nature spirits, my ancestors, and George W Bush all frowned upon me that day."

"Vacuum cleaner when I was 11 or 12. Came to get my dick sucked.

Didn’t cum at all. Accidentally pissed into the vacuum cleaner instead.

Vacuum cleaner broke.

Had to hide the real crime. Threw the vacuum cleaner down the stairs. You know, to make things better.

Mom comes home, finds vacuum cleaner half fucked and wholly stinking of piss. Still plugged into the outlet, of course.

“Child, why is the VC fucked and stinky?” she queried.

“Mother, I know not, for I do not partake in such frivolities, ‘cleaning’ and the such – as you well know.”

Deafening, murderous silence as the lie clears her scanners.

Perfect crime."

"A girl’s nose who didn’t have a septum."

"A mini M&M’s tube filled with butter and microwaved mashed banana."

"A Jack-O-Lantern that I skullfucked at a Halloween party back in 2010."

"The hole in the pool that sucks water. I put my dick into it and now I still have trauma."

"Can of Pringles with two sponges."

"A tub of Vicks."

"Ham and Cheddar Hot Pocket."

"My childhood stuffed toy, that now has a hole in its anal area, it was not enjoyable because now I have to look at it every time I wake up. It turned into my dogs toy."

"A jar of Icy Hot. It’s wasn’t what I thought it’d be, and trying to wash it off only makes it worse. You’ve been warned."

"An aloe vera leaf. Cut the inside open spread it and got the idea to stick it in since it has that gooey softness to it.

Rate it 7/10."

"I covered the end of my dick hole with scotch tape, left some room for it to breathe so it looked like a tiny teepee, and wanked with a baggie full of soap."

"A Kong dog toy."

"I think that guy who tried to get a BJ from a Hyena in Africa wins this one. Yes, it went exactly as you’d imagine that to go wrong."

"A bottle of shampoo. Does it lube well? Yes. Does is it burn like hell afterwards? Yes. Does sticking it into a bottle of conditioner sooth it? Also yes."

"I once came home after a long shift, and I realized I left a few polyethylene gloves in my pocket. Wife was at mother in-laws. You can figure out the rest."

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