Masturbation Euphemisms: Enrich Your Vocabulary (30 GIFS)

"Making freshwater jellyfish."

"Playing a little 5 on 1."

"Paddling the Pink Canoe."

"Badgering the Witness."

"My best friend is Vietnamese who was a teen during the Vietnam War. He told me once that in Vietnam, they call this act “shoot the airplane” (literal translation)."

"Hit the kitchen, mix a batch."

"Whitewater Wristing."

"Distribute some free literature."

"Shakin’ hands with the unemployed."

"Hand to gland combat."

"Emptying the glue gun."

"Manhandle the ham-candle."

"Bashing the Bishop."

"BURPING THE WORM."

"My ex called it “playing the clitar” because apparently it looks like I’m playing an air guitar when I’m in the shower."

"Jerkin’ the gherkin."

"Going number 3."

"Watching an old Mr. Bean flick."

"Manual override."

"Blasting rope."

"Choking the chicken."

"Beating around the bush."

"Listen to Coltrane, derail your own train…

— a lyric from the delectable Sheryl Crow"

"Blowing up the Marshmallow Man."

"Polishing the helmet."

"Double click."

"Auditioning some finger puppets."

"Cleaning the rifle."

"Manipulating the Mango."

"DJ the VJ."