1

“I’ve said it before but she asked “how do you last so long? Do you think of your grandma?” While I was inside of her.”

pinebone

2

“She wanted the blinds open in our apartment during sex, pretty much right after she mentioned she could see the bridge where an ex killed himself.”

ChanceyIII

3

“Doing some foreplay with the girlfriend, now wife, and fucked it up bad. I WANTED to say “I can’t wait to suck your clit,” but instead I said, “I can’t wait to suck your dick.” She started crying laughing….mood is completely gone. Still lie awake cringing every time I remember it.”

ABagOfParrots

4

“Had a girl ask me to hit her once. When I said “turn around then, I’ll spank you a bit” she said “no! Fucking hit me! When I go to work tomorrow I want people to be worried about me” So I lost my erection, got dressed and went home.”

IAmTheOneArmedBandit

5

“I give great head, I had older brothers.”

AsboZapruder

6

“Oh, Andy!!”… my name is NOT Andy”

ararerock

7

“God, the partner was me. Giving a hand job to my boyfriend (now husband), things were hot and heavy, he was getting close and my brain was trying to think of sexy things to say and before I could stop myself I said “yeah, gotta get alllll the milk out.” Needless to say, hard to continue giving a guy a hand job while he’s laughing his ass off and saying “what the FUCK did you just say??”

TexasFordTough

8

“I was the one that said it. Back in the day, my husband worked nights throwing freight at a grocery store. There was this old man who worked in another department and on busy nights he would walk around saying “you’re not gonna finish!” then cackle and hobble away. So, while we were getting busy, I got on top and in my best impersonation of this old man said “yoooou’re not gonna finiiish!” The revulsion quickly turned to laughter and I still do it every once in a while (not during sex though).”

prettyprincess93

9

“Not me but a friend. They were naked, just about to get to it, when the guy looks at a shelf, says, “oh you got magic cards!” then gets off the bed to go look at them. All while still naked.”

TerracottaTurtle

10

“During intense foreplay, she answered the phone and talked for about half an hour. Mood was killed, embalmed, and buried.”

pspearing

11

“She called me Ken… Ken was her dad’s name.”

throwsomehay69

12

“I once said “be careful with the condom, they’re not cheap and I don’t want to waste it”….”

JDMie

13

“Idk why but I told my gf that I like her pheromones. She thought I said “bear moans”. She was offended. It was one of the first times we had ever had sex with each other. Still together tho.”

wheathiccs

14

“Why haven’t you finished yet? Am I not pretty enough” accompanied by crying. I am by no means bragging, this was not hours into a marathon sex session to put pornstars to shame. We are talking, in the first 5 minutes.”

aimbotcfg

15

“Me, not her. Going down on my wife and my mind was wandering. For some dumb fucking reason I remembered that her mom had called about coming over. So, as my wife is heading to climax I stopped, looked up, and asked “Did you call your mom back?” Fucking idiot.”

voice_of_craisin

16

“My ex told me he wanted to share a “fantasy” with me while we were in the middle of foreplay and proceeded to try and explain, in his sexy talk voice, how he wanted to fuck my best friend…”

twirlybird_

17

”Without a trace of irony in his voice “keep making the mac n cheese sound” bro what-“

saintslavic

18

“First, let’s pray:”

roaming_sasquatch

19

“Started laughing. Turns out she laughed when she was really aroused. I got used to it, we dated, and now I jack off to stand-up comedy and 90’s sitcoms.”

iBelieveInSpace

20