"One time I was watching porn and as I was about to finish the camera panned down to show that the guy was wearing boots but nothing else. I started going down this rabbit hole that I couldn’t escape because earlier he was wearing jeans and I couldn’t figure out how he got em off without removing his boots. Next thing I knew I was completely flaccid, ruined my whole ass day bro"
"Got caught with my pants down on the floor, sprang up while my dad said “Why are your pants down?” Said I was doing situps and think I crapped my pants figuring it was a good cover. Heard my dad telling my mom later: “Poor Fred, walked in on him masturbating and scared him so much he crapped his pants.”"
"My cat walking in wanting to play, and seeing movement under the blankets."
"Mid beating off, my sister walks in and asks if I can put icy hot on her back, I stop and go wash my hands and rub it on her shoulder to help her. After I was done went right back to my room and started again… ooo the fucking horror, it burned soooo bad."
"Buttplug wouldn’t come out. An orgasm actually caused it to get sucked in more. So I had to literally force myself not to panic and ‘poop’ it out."
"Scratched my clit with my fingernail."
"Oh, I have a good little story for this thread. The first time I masturbated, I thought it would be a good idea to use shaving cream. I really had no idea what I was doing or how any of it really worked besides “it’s supposed to feel really good if you rub your dick a lot”. For some reason, shaving cream was the obvious lubricant of choice for this task.
I sprayed a bunch on myself and went to town. It really didn’t feel all that nice, in fact, it actually kinda burned a little, but I kept telling myself that I had to keep going for it to work. Well, it eventually did work and after my first orgasm, all that burning I had been feeling before ecstasy caught up with me."
"My unit was on fire! The slightest touch of it to anything was absolute torture. I spent a solid hour in the bathroom trying to figure out how to act normal once I emerged from my chamber of sin. I ended up coming out of the bathroom walking like some cowboy that just rode his horse across the US 20 times in a week. I’m sure nobody noticed."
"Freshman year of college, like a month or two into dorm living. Just finished jerking off and I was lying there with my pants around my ankles and the paper towel still on my dick. I had the door locked and usually had my legs under the blanket, that way if my I heard my roommate coming back I could just pull the blanket up over me.
This motherfucker unlocked and opened the door faster than the speed of light, I swear. We made eye contact and all I could do was scream “just give me a minute!”"
"I got a text that my grandma died right as I was about to cum. That was a rough one."
"Had a mild headache all day but was really horny so I decided to do it anyways. The headache got worse as I went on, but I muscled through. As I cum, my head explodes in extreme pain. I genuinely thought I had an aneurysm or something, I thought I was gonna die while jerking off. Eventually the pain subsided, but god damn I’ll remember that nut for the rest of my life."
"The Bluetooth connecting"
"I was on my iPad and I forgot I was still connected to Alexa in the kitchen.
And why do they have that Airplay button on porn? That is an accident waiting to happen."
"Used medical-grade hand soap as lubricant. Afterwards chunks of dry skin started falling off."
"Was jacking it with headphones on and my eyes closed. Finished, opened eyes and there was a stack of folded laundry on my desk that wasn’t there when I started…"
"This was over 30 years ago but my vulva STILL hurts thinking about it:
A friend and I were over at her boyfriend’s house. It was the 1980’s so we had been drinking, smoking dope and experimenting with some coke. She hooked up with her boyfriend and being horny I picked out a guy that looked interesting.
He only looked interesting and wasn’t so hot in bed. It wasn’t bad but I didn’t get off which is bad since I am very responsive."
"He fell asleep in the other room on the sofa and it was dark so I decided I would take care of things myself. I sat up on the bed still naked and started to masturbate in the dark room. I was almost to the point of climax when I feel sharp claws and fur dig into my hands, thighs , vulva and CLITORIS.
I didn’t know that they owned a cat. The fucking cat had seen the movement and thought it was playtime.
It took about a good 2 months before I wanted to flick the bean or before it was healed enough to enjoy it being flicked, lol."
"I was stretched out on my bed in my bedroom at my Nan and grandads house which I usually stayed at over the weekend.
I was banging one out and was close to cumming when I heard footsteps outside my door. I sat bolt upright and the action caused my penis to slip back into my trousers.
Unfortunately the sitting up motion also pushed me past the point of no return and I ejaculated at the exact time my Nan walked in and asked if I was ready for a lift home. Eye contact and all."
“Aye nan. I’m coming”
"There was a fire ant in the sock that I came in. It stung the tip of my dick. It swelled up 2-3 times the size it normally would. So for about a week I had a normal sized penis."