"I queefed super loud and moaned even louder to cover it up and he said, “I heard that.”"
"My wig fell off, and he slapped my bald head and kept going harder."
"One time, he was using his fingers, and I told him it hurt and the man started CRYING."
"A girl FaceTimed him, and HE ANSWERED."
"It was in the bathroom, and his friend went, “Finish her,” in the Mortal Kombat voice."
"He said, “Arch your back,” and I did it the wrong way."
"My dog licked his nuts."
"I accidentally moaned his best friend’s name IN HIS EAR."
"I actually passed out in the middle of it because I had low blood sugar, and he had to feed me Goldfish crackers so I’d wake up."
"He threw me on the bed, and all the stuff hanging on the wall fell on me."
"He said, “Congrats, you’re one of the boys now,” after I gave him head."
"He stared into my eyes and started freestyle rapping."
"My cat threw up in the corner of my room. Should have taken it as a sign because he ended up cheating on me."
"He stopped mid-doggy and pulled out his computer to finish an assignment that was due in seven minutes."
"He called ME daddy on accident."
"His fish all swam to the corner of the tank closest to us and watched."
"I said, “Your heart’s beating really fast,” and he said, “It’s not cuz of you, I just haven’t exercised recently,” WHILE HE WAS INSIDE OF ME."