45. Barbra Streisand

1

OK, so Babs might not be the ~hottest~, but she is like, queen of the Torah, SO SHE’S ON THIS LIST. Plus, she’s still got it.

44. Sarah Michelle Gellar

2

She married Freddie Prinze Jr. and had his babies. She obviously has something going on.

43. Goldie Hawn

3

She’s a hot mom! A hot Jewish mom. A J-MILF.

42. Alicia Silverstone

4

Honestly, she’d be higher up on this list if she hadn’t bird-fed her son. That was not hawt.

41. Lisa Kudrow

5

Smelly cat, smelly cat, what are they feeding you? OH! It’s bagels! THAT’S AWESOME.

40. Julia Louis-Dreyfus

6

She’s funny, she’s the veep, and she’s No. 40 on this list.

39. Jennifer Connelly

7

Congrats to Jennifer Connely on being in the top 70% of this post!

38. Selma Blair

8

Same goes for Selma Blair. And also she’d be higher on this list if she hadn’t accused Elle Woods of sleeping with her law professor.

37. Amanda Peet

9

Amanda Peet rhymes with Amanda Feet and I bet her feet are nice because they were chosen.

36. Brooke Burke

10

Brooke Burke is on this list because she just is, OK?

35. Dianna Agron

11

Yes it’s weird that there are two “Ns” in Dianna’s name, but you know what’s NOT weird? The fact that she’s on this list! Ha HA Ha.

34. Ginnifer Goodwin

12

Ginnifer Goodwin got No. 34, OK? And that’s where she stays.

33. Evan Rachel Wood

13

Hi, Evan Rachel Wood, nice to see you here in spot No. 33.

32. Jamie-Lynn Sigler

14

Things are heating up!!

31. Maya Rudolph

15

The Shabbat candles are on fire if you know what I meannnnnn! (What do I mean?)

30. Michelle Trachtenberg

16

Harriet The Spy lands in at No. 30. CONGRATS TO HER. Seriously. I’m serious, let’s all raise a glass and say congrats. Now sip.

29. Kate Hudson

17

She is the spawn of the J-MILF up there, and obviously the beautiful Jewish genes were passed along to her.

28. Idina Menzel

18

Popular, she’s gonna be popularrrrrrrr (with everyone she talks to because they know she is cool/fun/pretty/responsible for your love of Broadway).

27. Elizabeth Banks

19

“THAT IS MAHOGANY,” she said as she placed the seder plate onto the table.

26. Alyson Hannigan

20

How I Met Your Mother, try How Your Mother and I Met Through Your Grandma’s Rabbi.

25. Sara Paxton

21

Ladies and gentlemen, meet Sara Paxton. She seems like a nice young lady to bring home for Passover.

24. Natasha Lyonne

22

Orange Is the New Black more like Thanksgivukkah Is the New Hanukkah because that holiday is tomorrow, yeah BOIII!!!!!

23. Rachel Weisz

23

More like Rachel Weisz-she so pretty???!!! Amirite.

22. Gwyneth Paltrow

24

GOOP is high on this list because she’s Gwyneth Paltrow but couldn’t break the top 20 because she nicknamed herself GOOP.

21. Sarah Silverman

25

Baruch Hashem for Sarah Silverman. BARUCH HASHEM, I SAID.

20. Emmy Rossum

26

This is now the top 20. This is when people stop being polite and start getting real. Welcome, Emmy Rossum. Please, take a seat.

19. Kat Graham

27

This is the first Kat on the list, but not the last, I promise you that!

18. Kat Dennings

28

I wasn’t lying when I said there was another Kat on this list. This is that Kat.

17. Zoe Kravitz

29

Picture this: Zoe Kravitz and her dad Lenny Kravitz reading from the Torah. IT COULD HAPPEN!

16. Jane Levy

30

A rare but beautiful Jewish ginger seen here.

15. Lea Michele

31

Shalom. Lea got this spot not just because she’s a classy lady, but because my Hebrew name is Lea so obviously I have a special place in my heart for her.

14. Mélanie Laurent

32

Not only is Mélanie gorgeous but she’s French. Which means she probably loves French fries, and French fries are potatoes, and potatoes are the main ingredient in Latkes, and LATKES ARE THE BEST HANUKKAH TREAT IN THE WORLD. It all makes sense.

13. Isla Fisher

33

She converted to Judaism, but it counts because that’s how much she wanted to be Jewish, and we welcome her with open arms.

12. Ari Graynor

34

For a good time call…your rabbi! (Because she’s Jewish and he may know her!)

11. Emmanuelle Chriqui

35

Oh, look, it’s E’s girlfriend.

10. Nikki Reed

36

WELCOME TO THE TOP 10! Shit’s about to get serious.

9. Gal Gadot

37

I told you it was getting serious. And I was serious when I said it was getting serious.

8. Lizzy Caplan

38

LIZZY CAPLAN, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!!!

7. Bar Refaeli

39

She’s Israeli, she is basically the definition of perfection, and her name is BAR, which basically means she’s probably a lot of fun because bars are cool places to go to and hang out with friends.

6. Scarlett Johansson

40

More like Scarlett Johandsome. But, like, the female version of handsome.

5. Natalie Portman

41

Aleph-bets are off when Natalie Portman enters the room! (LOLOLOLOLOLOL)

4. Rosie Huntington-Whiteley

42

MUST I EXPLAIN?

3. Rashida Jones

43

Rashida Jones is the best friend I wish I had but would never want to be around because she’s almost TOO wonderful that her wonderfulness could be overwhelming. But she’s No. 3 because I mean, come on, look at her.

2. Alison Brie

44

She may have chosen Community college but we know she would have been the coolest girl at Yeshiva. —joke contribution from my nice Jewish brother Eric

1. Mila Kunis

45

WE’VE ARRIVED AT THE NO. 1 SPOT. You know why. Everyone knows why. Your dog knows why. Word has it 1,900 priests renounced Christianity and converted when they heard she was Jewish. Congratulations to Mila and to everyone else.